A Lack of Sincerity

Why why why? Why do I time and time again attempt to reshackle myself? Why do I try and wear my old tattered and disgusting garments of death and sin when I could be clothed in the all surpassing rightouseness of Christ? Sometimes I don't even understand myself. I am so frustrated with the choices that I make....

What can you do when you have said sorry too many times and it ceases to mean anything to you? When you get to the point where saying sorry is your thoughtless knee-jerk reaction to when you do something bad and requires no more thought than breathing...at this point, saying sorry is not worth saying. It has become meaningless because it has been made into something thats only purpose is to appease your own sense of guilt and nothing more. If the ultimate reason the words "I'm sorry" escape your lips is because you feel like shit for what you have done and you want to feel better about yourself, then you are better off keeping silent. Having true sorrow over something means having more concern over someones elses pain than your own. If it is true sorrow, it should come hand in hand with repentance. If it doesnt, than you are still more concerned with yourself than with how your actions effect others. Selfishness is like poison, dripping and burning and slowly killing and suffocating you. And until you can force your thoughts away from yourself and cease your self pity, just like a poison it will grow stronger and stronger with time and choke out your life. The only, only way to get something like this out of your system is through earnest prayer and seeking God's intervention. God is the only medicine that will heal poison like this, because to change something like this requires a change of heart, which only God can bring about. To be able to truly say sorry again, you must ask God to give you a heart of integrity once more, and to grant you true sorrow over what you have done. Thanks be to God that I am chained to His grace and nothing can seperate me from Him.