Et Omnia Vanitas

I have far too much on my mind at the moment...and my hope is that I might be able to spill enough if it on here that I will be able to function....
Relationships are interesting things. There are elements of a relationship that are impossible to understand. Certain doubts or fears that can creep up, cannot be put into words but are felt all the same....and without really understanding the doubt or the fear, how can you go about finding the cure? Is the cure also as subliminal as the fear...something only felt and not understood? Perhaps the cure too, like the fear, can creep up and take over, without any needed help or initiative from the person. This really is something I can only guess and try to describe with pretty words....It is a question far beyond me to which I never expect to find the answer.

Life itself seems to be something that cannot truly be understood. Oh, we try to understand it. We analyze until there is no meaning left. We fit all the things we think we understand into their own little boxes and tell ourselves that we have it figured out...but in the end it is vain. Life is not something to be grasped by formulas and analysis.

And joy? What the hell is joy? Is joy when you get the promotion you wanted, or find the love of you life? I think not...money only satisfies for so long, and more often than not heartbreak follows closely after love, constantly nipping at its heels. Is joy when everything in your life is going smoothly and everything seems to be working out for you? I doubt it...for every climb, there is just as great a fall. I am tired....so tired I can't even tell you...of defining my life by my circumstances. Vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas. "Vanity vanity all is vanity." Whenever we attempt to find our purpose, our joy, the definition of our lives, by the material things in our lives or by our relationships, we will always be left feeling empty.  Circumstantial joy is a glass better left untouched.

The joy that comes from the Lord is the only thing that will not leave us feeling unfulfilled and alone at the end of the day. It is the only thing that will stay with us when everything else has fallen apart. It is something that can only be found by being in a love relationship with Him, and no where else. All is vain, aside from the life we now have in Christ Jesus.